Sometimes the healing period appears to take a long time because the survivor takes time out to deal with other issues. Sometimes it appears to be shorter because the survivor has previously dealt with part of the abuse issues. Some survivors spend a few months working on the sexual abuse issues and leaves the deeper issues unresolved. Each individual proceeds through the various stages at their own pace.
Once I recognized the effects of sexual abuse in my own life, I needed to make an active commitment to heal. Deep healing happens only when you choose it and are willing to change yourself. Beginning to deal with the memories and suppressed feelings can throw your life into turmoil. Remember, this is only for a short period of time. It won't last forever. As a survivor you often doubt your own perceptions. Coming to believe that the abuse really happened, and that it really hurt you, is a vital part of the healing process.
The best guide for healing is your own inner voice. Learning to trust your own perceptions and feelings forms a new basis for action in the world.
Empower Yourself,
Casey
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Blame
I am a survivor of incest. The incest lasted for a period of ten years. (ages 5-15) I am now 44 years old and I can say I am so well with the help of God, my family and counselor. It all changed the day I moved to Maryland from Michigan in 2004. I was living in a place where I did not have any family or support system at all. After arriving to Maryland things got rough. I started feeling very lonely and the flashbacks started. I had a hard time adjusting to the new environment and the people were not as friendly as the people were in Michigan. I really did not know what to do about what was going on with me, but it started getting worse and I was forced to figure it out. Dealing with issues head on is the best way to conquer the effects of sexual abuse. Not being afraid to remember what happen. That is the only way you will conquer the demons.
Many of us struggle with blaming ourselves for the abuse. That is wrong. No matter what course of action you took, it was not your fault. It does not matter if you accepted a ride from a relative stranger, were intoxicated at a party, trusted a friend, accepted what a family member told you as truth, or were raped by a spouse or significant other. You did not deserve what happened to you. We all have the right to safety and respect; in retrospect, it is easy to criticize ourselves for the course of action we took, but the truth is that the fault always lies in the hands of the abuser.
I found myself in a state of turmoil. It was affecting my daily life and I needed to get a handle on the problem. We can not live in the past. We have to find ways to get through it. Hope is out there.
Empower Yourself,
Casey
Many of us struggle with blaming ourselves for the abuse. That is wrong. No matter what course of action you took, it was not your fault. It does not matter if you accepted a ride from a relative stranger, were intoxicated at a party, trusted a friend, accepted what a family member told you as truth, or were raped by a spouse or significant other. You did not deserve what happened to you. We all have the right to safety and respect; in retrospect, it is easy to criticize ourselves for the course of action we took, but the truth is that the fault always lies in the hands of the abuser.
I found myself in a state of turmoil. It was affecting my daily life and I needed to get a handle on the problem. We can not live in the past. We have to find ways to get through it. Hope is out there.
Empower Yourself,
Casey
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Behind the Smiles
A Survivor's Insight into Dealing with the Aftermath of Childhood Sexual Abuse
A small, unique book, written with great honesty by a woman part-way through her healing from sexual abuse by her brother. Doesn't contain all the answers, but describes many of the problems and issues faced by survivors as they work towards wholeness.
Encouragement Is...
To give courage, hope and support mixed with grace and love. To foster with care and comfort.
...for He knows how we are formed, He remembers that we are dust. Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.
A small, unique book, written with great honesty by a woman part-way through her healing from sexual abuse by her brother. Doesn't contain all the answers, but describes many of the problems and issues faced by survivors as they work towards wholeness.
Encouragement Is...
To give courage, hope and support mixed with grace and love. To foster with care and comfort.
...for He knows how we are formed, He remembers that we are dust. Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Understanding Your Soul
If the need or void is not dealt with proactively, the abuse often survives in the survivor. Shadows of the abuse live on in various forms, because victims look for satisfaction in the wrong ways or places. Having never known genuine love, the abuse survivor can only imitate love in return.
Physically, we remain injured and will carry the scars as long as we live. Because of our past, we'll know feelings that combat, tear, and rip the heart and soul apart. But there is hope.
The essence of overcoming is realizing that love and acceptance are essential to our healing. We can't do this on our own. We need people to help us.
Empower Yourself,
Casey
Physically, we remain injured and will carry the scars as long as we live. Because of our past, we'll know feelings that combat, tear, and rip the heart and soul apart. But there is hope.
The essence of overcoming is realizing that love and acceptance are essential to our healing. We can't do this on our own. We need people to help us.
Empower Yourself,
Casey
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Life Is Worth Living
As a sexual abuse survivor, you may be asking yourself, can I really move past just surviving and have a life worth living? Yes you can. Maybe you're already beginning to realize that there is more to life than what happened yesterday. As a sexual abuse survivor, I know what it feels like to feel empty. I know what it feels like to have a deep need for love and acceptance.
You may have heard stories of sex abuse survivors whose lives have been changed. Maybe you even long to be like them. You want to move beyond just coping with the past - you want to be changed! You long for a life of victory. That longing you feel is a hole. As a sexual abuse survivor, you can overcome. God promises us that when we come to Him, we get a brand new beginning.
As a sexual abuse survivor, you have been through a lot. Learning to live as a new creature is like a baby learning to walk. The baby takes it one step at a time. When we suffer mental anguish and condemnation the lord is there to help us through it. As sexual abuse survivors, we'll find it hard to deal with thoughts and feelings regarding love and acceptance. Because of our past, we do know feelings that combat, tear, and rip the heart and soul apart, but no one should have to experience what we have been through. Again, hope is there.
Empower Yourself,
Casey
You may have heard stories of sex abuse survivors whose lives have been changed. Maybe you even long to be like them. You want to move beyond just coping with the past - you want to be changed! You long for a life of victory. That longing you feel is a hole. As a sexual abuse survivor, you can overcome. God promises us that when we come to Him, we get a brand new beginning.
As a sexual abuse survivor, you have been through a lot. Learning to live as a new creature is like a baby learning to walk. The baby takes it one step at a time. When we suffer mental anguish and condemnation the lord is there to help us through it. As sexual abuse survivors, we'll find it hard to deal with thoughts and feelings regarding love and acceptance. Because of our past, we do know feelings that combat, tear, and rip the heart and soul apart, but no one should have to experience what we have been through. Again, hope is there.
Empower Yourself,
Casey
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Living For Today
Sexual Abuse Survivor - Living For Today
If you're a sexual abuse survivor, how are things going now? As a survivor myself (incest), I struggle with the effects of sexual abuse - feelings of anger, sadness, guilt, and shame toward my abuser and indirectly toward myself. Sometimes there are feelings and thoughts that can get in the way and with other relationships. As a sexual abuse survivor, do you experience similar feelings? Do you ever think why me, what did I do to deserve the abuse? If so, you are not alone.
Unfortunately, these feelings and thoughts don't disappear overnight. From personal experience and from talking with other adult survivors of sexual abuse, I've discovered we share and exhibit similar thoughts and feelings. We all struggle to find the solution. As a survivor, I just want to be understood. I want someone that can identify with me. I want to be told that I am okay. When a person has been abused sexually, thoughts like I'm not ok and I will never be okay seem to become ingrained in their mines. In addition, there are often problems with self-acceptance, guilt, condemnation, feelings of never measuring up, and so on. Those feelings are not correct. We are okay, and we can live a life of victory.
Empower Yourself,
Casey
If you're a sexual abuse survivor, how are things going now? As a survivor myself (incest), I struggle with the effects of sexual abuse - feelings of anger, sadness, guilt, and shame toward my abuser and indirectly toward myself. Sometimes there are feelings and thoughts that can get in the way and with other relationships. As a sexual abuse survivor, do you experience similar feelings? Do you ever think why me, what did I do to deserve the abuse? If so, you are not alone.
Unfortunately, these feelings and thoughts don't disappear overnight. From personal experience and from talking with other adult survivors of sexual abuse, I've discovered we share and exhibit similar thoughts and feelings. We all struggle to find the solution. As a survivor, I just want to be understood. I want someone that can identify with me. I want to be told that I am okay. When a person has been abused sexually, thoughts like I'm not ok and I will never be okay seem to become ingrained in their mines. In addition, there are often problems with self-acceptance, guilt, condemnation, feelings of never measuring up, and so on. Those feelings are not correct. We are okay, and we can live a life of victory.
Empower Yourself,
Casey
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Hope
Sexual Abuse Survivor - There Is Hope.If you are a sexual abuse survivor, you have survived an awful ordeal. You are looking for some understanding and some peace of mind. I do not have all the answers, but I am a sexual abuse survivor and I do understand with the feelings you are experiencing. I have finally found peace of mind and I would like to share with you some thoughts on how to overcome this unimaginable pain.
You are a survivor for a reason. Maybe it is fate, mental fortitude or divine intervention. You ask the question what is it for?
Sexual Abuse Survivor - Accepting The PastSexual abuse survival involves accepting the past abuse - facing the fact that it happened. No matter what type of sexual abuse (whether incest or by a stranger) or how tragic its consequences, acceptance of the past is vital. Accepting the past is an essential step toward not only surviving, but to overcoming.
Trust me you can do it.
Understanding the abuse with a trained professional, if possible, is imperative. Look at how you coped with the abuse while it was occurring. Did you feel angry or upset or even sad? Did you blame you yourself? Did you go inside yourself? Did you tell anyone it was happening?
Empower Yourself,
Casey
You are a survivor for a reason. Maybe it is fate, mental fortitude or divine intervention. You ask the question what is it for?
Sexual Abuse Survivor - Accepting The PastSexual abuse survival involves accepting the past abuse - facing the fact that it happened. No matter what type of sexual abuse (whether incest or by a stranger) or how tragic its consequences, acceptance of the past is vital. Accepting the past is an essential step toward not only surviving, but to overcoming.
Trust me you can do it.
Understanding the abuse with a trained professional, if possible, is imperative. Look at how you coped with the abuse while it was occurring. Did you feel angry or upset or even sad? Did you blame you yourself? Did you go inside yourself? Did you tell anyone it was happening?
Empower Yourself,
Casey
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Date Rape
Date Rape:
Date rape is one of the most common, and under reported forms of rape that happens. Yet, because the attacker is not only someone that is known to the victim, but also trusted by them, date rape can be extremely damaging in its effects. Until recent years, date rape was not even taken seriously by the police, but fortunately things are changing in this regard.
You may hear some people say that those who have been raped were somehow "asking for it" because of the clothes they wore or the way they acted. That's wrong: The person who is raped is not to blame. Rape is always the fault of the rapist. And that's also the case when two people are dating — or even in an intimate relationship. One person never owes the other person sex. If sex is forced against someone's will, that's rape.
Empower Yourself,
Casey
Date rape is one of the most common, and under reported forms of rape that happens. Yet, because the attacker is not only someone that is known to the victim, but also trusted by them, date rape can be extremely damaging in its effects. Until recent years, date rape was not even taken seriously by the police, but fortunately things are changing in this regard.
You may hear some people say that those who have been raped were somehow "asking for it" because of the clothes they wore or the way they acted. That's wrong: The person who is raped is not to blame. Rape is always the fault of the rapist. And that's also the case when two people are dating — or even in an intimate relationship. One person never owes the other person sex. If sex is forced against someone's will, that's rape.
Empower Yourself,
Casey
Friday, April 17, 2009
Sexual Abuse and Boys
Approximately one in six boys is sexually abused before age 16. Since the late 1970s research has documented that 1 in 4 girls is sexually abused before her 18th birthday and that at least 1 in 6 boys suffers the same fate. Any person who has been sexually abused - male or female - experiences lasting effects and enduring emotional pain. Most of the organizations that serve survivors of sexual abuse have been created by women for women. Because so few people know that large numbers of males are sexually abused, male survivors have been unseen, neglected and therefore underserved.
Identification, assessment and intervention will help prevent abused boys from becoming self-destructive or abusive adolescents and men. Many organizations are starting to exists to serve any male who has been sexually abused. Although our work is directed to males, we are interested in helping any victim of sexual abuse. MaleSurvivor is one organization that recognizes and respects the diversity of sexual abuse survivors and caregivers. This problem is not limited to people of any particular gender, race, religion, age, nationality, socioeconomic class, or sexual orientation.
Through its informational programs and services, MaleSurvivor also helps the public and the media to recognize and understand males who have been sexually abused, and most important, promotes the actions we all can take to confront and fight the realities, and destroy the myths, of male sexual abuse.
Empower Yourself,
Casey
Identification, assessment and intervention will help prevent abused boys from becoming self-destructive or abusive adolescents and men. Many organizations are starting to exists to serve any male who has been sexually abused. Although our work is directed to males, we are interested in helping any victim of sexual abuse. MaleSurvivor is one organization that recognizes and respects the diversity of sexual abuse survivors and caregivers. This problem is not limited to people of any particular gender, race, religion, age, nationality, socioeconomic class, or sexual orientation.
Through its informational programs and services, MaleSurvivor also helps the public and the media to recognize and understand males who have been sexually abused, and most important, promotes the actions we all can take to confront and fight the realities, and destroy the myths, of male sexual abuse.
Empower Yourself,
Casey
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Word Of The Day
Truth:
The word truth has a variety of meanings, from honesty, good faith, and sincerity in general, to agreement with fact or reality in particular.
The impact of sexual abuse can range from no apparent effects to very severe ones.
However, children who are the victims of sexual abuse are also often exposed to a variety of other stressors and difficult circumstances in their lives, including parental substance abuse. The sexual abuse and its aftermath may be only part of the child's negative experiences and subsequent behaviors. Therefore, correctly diagnosing abuse is often complex. Conclusive physical evidence of sexual abuse is relatively rare in suspected cases. For all of these reasons, when abuse is suspected, an appropriately trained health professional should be consulted.
Understanding what a child is going through when they are dealing with sexual abuse. When I was a child I did not know what to do to stop the abuse. Children need to know that there is help out there for them.
Empower Yourself,
Casey
The word truth has a variety of meanings, from honesty, good faith, and sincerity in general, to agreement with fact or reality in particular.
The impact of sexual abuse can range from no apparent effects to very severe ones.
However, children who are the victims of sexual abuse are also often exposed to a variety of other stressors and difficult circumstances in their lives, including parental substance abuse. The sexual abuse and its aftermath may be only part of the child's negative experiences and subsequent behaviors. Therefore, correctly diagnosing abuse is often complex. Conclusive physical evidence of sexual abuse is relatively rare in suspected cases. For all of these reasons, when abuse is suspected, an appropriately trained health professional should be consulted.
Understanding what a child is going through when they are dealing with sexual abuse. When I was a child I did not know what to do to stop the abuse. Children need to know that there is help out there for them.
Empower Yourself,
Casey
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Here Are Some Statistics Regarding Sexual Abuse
There are many commonly held beliefs about sexual abuse. One is that abusers are always men. In fact, reports of female perpetrators are on the rise, involving both male and female victims. At least 5% of abusers are known to be women. Another myth is that the abuser is usually a stranger. More than 70% of abusers are immediate family members or someone very close to the family. Remember - bad guys don't always look bad; they're often the people we love. A third myth is that the abuser is always hated. Often the victim loves and protects the perpetrator. Some children feel "special" about the abuse. It may be the only attention or physical contact they're getting. Because of this, some survivors even into adulthood will deal with the abuse by minimizing it. Thus, they make the abuser and the events "OK", to make it feel like they're okay. An additional myth is that only females are sexually abused. In fact, 30% of all male children are molested in some way, compared to 40% of females.
Empower Yourself,
Casey
Empower Yourself,
Casey
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Not A Good Day
I had a hard day yesterday. Work was really hard yesterday and because of the stress that I was feeling it triggered a flashback. I had to excuse myself and go to the ladies room and put myself back together. I have not revealed my past to any of my employers because I do not want them to think that I am a basket case. Sometimes when people do not understand what you are dealing with they form their own opinions about it. I went to the ladies room and took some deep breaths and told myself that this will pass. I do know that this is something that I will have to deal with for the rest of my life. I never blame myself for this because I did not do this. My life is what I make it. I just pray for strenghth and I do not get down on myself if I have a bad day. This is just part of the process. All of you who are dealing with sexual abuse also must understand this it is not your fault and you are not to blame. Treat yourself well and feel good about who you are. Always remember you will have good days and bad days but you will get through them.
Empower Yourself,
Casey
Empower Yourself,
Casey
Monday, April 13, 2009
Trust
The Word Of The Day: Trust
Trusting that the way I feel today will not always be. Things do get better. You do start to feel better and heathier. Life can feel good.
Empower Yourself,
Casey
Trusting that the way I feel today will not always be. Things do get better. You do start to feel better and heathier. Life can feel good.
Empower Yourself,
Casey
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Leaving Your Past Behind You.
There are alot of people in the world who believe that you should just get over being sexually abused. Those are people who have never experience sexual abuse because they do not understand the impact that it can have on ones life. Sexual abuse is something that, once it happens to you, you will deal with it for the rest of your life. The key is getting with a good therapist or support group so you can talk to people who are going to understand exactly what you are going through so you can develop coping skills to deal with the abuse. When a person is sexually abused they stop trusting people because there is a feeling of violation that happens when you are sexually abused. You have to get to a place where recognize those feelings of shame and guilt. It will not be easy but you will get there.
Empower Yourself,
Casey
Empower Yourself,
Casey
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Why is sexual abuse so hurtful. Most of the time those of us who have been abused were abused by people we trust and love. This is why I tell people that when they get to a strong place in their mind they need to confront the person that abused them. That way your abuser will know just how much they hurt you. Taking your power back as a victim of abuse is key to your recovery. Understanding that you do not have to stay an sexual abuse victim instead you need to become a survivor. Becoming a survivor will help you help other people and that in turn will help you to become a stronger person . Sexual abuse can make you feel worthless and helpless. One of the things that I have learned over the years is that abuse is what you make it. No, the abuse is not your fault, but surviving is. You must find ways to rechannel the memories and the feelings of devastation. Learning how to change your thinking when something triggers a memory. Take a deep breath and keep telling yourself that everything is going to be ok. Discovering how to recognize what behaviors will triggers a memory or a flashback.
That is all for now. I will talk to you tomorrow about the many techniques that I have learned about myself when it come to coping with flashbacks and the memories of the abuse. Until next time.
Empower Yourself,
Casey
That is all for now. I will talk to you tomorrow about the many techniques that I have learned about myself when it come to coping with flashbacks and the memories of the abuse. Until next time.
Empower Yourself,
Casey
Monday, April 6, 2009
Casey's Way
Being a victim of sexual abuse doesn't have to ruin your life.
My first experience with sexual abuse was when I was 5 years old. At that time I did not understand what was going on with me. The abuse continued from a family member until I was 15 years old. I have had bouts of depression over the years because I did not have anyone to talk to. I did not tell my mom or my dad until I became an adult. When I finally started dealing with the abuse I was an adult. I repressed the memories for years. When I turned 30 I was going through a bad relationship and the memories starting flooding back in my head. I really did not know how to cope because I never thought about what was I really happening to me while I was going through it. I started having disturbing nightmares. I had times when I wanted to committ suicide. All while raising my son as a single parent. I had my son when I was 17 because most girls who are sexually abused as children become very promiscuous. I started having a very hard time coping with everyday life because I didn't understand what was going on with me. I refused to go to a doctor for a long time because I thought that was being weak and I could call on God and he would help me through it. But going through all that helped me understand that if you do not have anyone that you can talk to about what you are feeling without judgement you may end up becoming something that you do not want to become of taking your own life. I new that with all the shame and guilt that goes with being abused and top of that not being about it will send you down a road that you may not be able to come back from.
My advise is find a good doctor who can help you find coping skills to deal with feeling that goes with being sexually abused. Also you should confront your abuser and let them know what they did to you. Understanding that what happened to you is not your fault will help you cope with the feelings that you will probably deal with for the rest of your life. But you will get to a place where you will recognize the feelings and also you will get know what activities and things will triggers the feelings. Well that all for today. I want to share my experience with you so that I can help someone like me understand why certain feelings happen after you have been sexual abused.
Empower Yourself,
Casey
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